Exhale. [09 Aug 2004|09:22am] I haven't updated because I honestly have nothing to say. I've just been working, working and sleeping and talking to Mike. I talked to Shawn yesterday for the first time in a week and it made me really happy and really sad at the same time. It's like, I want him to fill all those places in me that he used to, and he does but then once he hangs up the phone I'm empty again because there's this thing in the back of my head that tells me we're apart for a reason. Clearly if everything was okay we'd be together, and we're not. Sometimes I don't understand it and other times I understand it all too well. It just feels like everyday that passes he's further and further away from me. Okay enough with the sappysap. I got burned at work yesterday and it's black, I've never been burnt by the friers at work so I'm really not sure if this is a normal reaction. So, I sat at work and bitched and moaned 'cause no one seems to care that it hurt because I didn't want to go to first aid because I would then have to fill out this huge report. Well, I since I don't have work today, I'm going to go back to bed. <3 1 comment| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Boston [03 Aug 2004|07:54pm] I just got back from Boston and what an adventure that was. Actually it was alright. I went shopping on Sunday and then we went to the beach on Monday. This all would have been wonderous if I didn't get 3rd degree burns on my chest. Okay it's not 3rd degree but it hurts and it's kind of purple which is really gross and well I'm just not enjoying it. Anyway, I have to work the rest of the week, which I garentee will not be eventful so I probably won't write, and if I do, it's garenteed to be boring. In 4 weeks we start school, which is rather depressing. Summer feels like it's only just started. Usually by this time a sick sad part of me wants school to start, but I really honestly want school as far away from me as possible. Okay, I really have nothing much to say. Love you all. Later. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Aaskfhaskgjh. [19 Jul 2004|08:02pm] Well, I worked all weekend and it sucked. Hard. I really don't have much to say about my life. I'm kind of content with it and not over thinking it. I usually do that thing where I over think to a point of making such a stupid decision that I should just stick to not thinking at all. I can't wait to dye my hair again, but it's pointless to dye it now, just so the sun can bleach it out and I'd end up dying it again in 4 weeks. So I'm just going to wait until September. I absolutely detest my hair right now. Thursday (Mikey's birthday, lol) I'm going to the doctor about getting contacts. I'm not really sure if I want them or not yet. I've never actually seen myself clearly without glasses, other than in crappy webcam pictures. So, that's bassically the whole reason I want them, which is kind of stupid when I think about it, but hey, maybe it'd be cool. It's kind of like playing dress-up I guess, and if I hate them, I'll always have my glasses to fall back on. Anyway, I'm babbling, which means I have nothing to say. So I'm going to go, watch something on Nick At Nite, 'cause that's just how I roll. ♥ And you'll always be My one true love. And you know I'll always Need you by my side. Don't let me slip away. ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Ohh man. [16 Jul 2004|10:10am] Well, needless to say it's been awhile. Lots of things have changed I guess. I think the last time I updated I was dating Carlos. Haha. That lasted about a week. Well, I'm confused but happy now. I mean, I have the best friends ever and they all truely understand me. I love you guys so much. I miss Kerem, Jes, and Erica though. This summer has distanced me from a lot of people that I love, but it's brought me closer to people at the same time. Enough of that sappy shit. What have I been up to? Working mainly. Work sucks more than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. However, I need the cash. Hanging out with people and talking to Mikey like everyday. (Yeah I had to put Mikey in there. I'm just too cool.) Yesterday Jon came over, and we spoke to eachother in retard voices for about 3 hours, and then I couldn't stop. Haha. Well, I'm going to go. I'm deff. going to start updating more though. (How many times have I said that before?) This time I mean it. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Oh my lord. [06 Jun 2004|05:52pm] Well, I haven't written in here in well over a month now. First of all, me and Shawn are well over. After all's said and done it's massively for the best and even though I truely cared about him and loved him, I'm a lot better off now. I've had a lot more time for friends and such, and me and Carlos are going out so that's spectacular. And right now it's like, hard when it should be easy. Ever since Allen died that complicates a lot of things, and rightfully so. I mean, honestly it kills me to see Jessica the way she is, even though she appears to be happy. Everytime I look at her I just wanna hug her and tell her how much I love her, and at the same time it brings me down to be around her for very long, because I can't take all her pain away for her, and she doesn't want me to. So I don't really know my place and I'm not quite sure what I'm doing most of the time. Life is just weird sometimes. I've noticed everytime I have no reason to be anything but happy, life gives me this amazing let down. Like, I'm so thankful that I have such wonderful friends and such a wonderful life. 'Cause I know a lot of people are so much worse off than me, I just honestly don't know how a lot of people go through what they go through on a daily basis. Okay back to happy things. Carlos took me to prom which was amazing. He's so sweet and nice and just like, he's always making me smile. It's hard to update everything that's been happening in my life since like.. April. So I don't think I will. Farewell loves. <33 I'll write tomorrow. 1 comment| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

I'm just Jenny from the block. [14 Apr 2004|05:15pm] Okay, I'm actually about to leave, but I figured I should start updating more again. I hardly ever update and that's an issue I'm going to have to resolve. Anyway, I didn't get to go to Kerem's the other day, which made me sad. And I couldn't go today, which made me sadder. Turns out, he got really sick anyway and probably would have made me sick, forcing me to punch him in the face. (Just kidding.)I hope I can see him sometime soon, if only he didn't live so far away. Okay so, I dyed my hair a darker brownish red. I like it so much better, now no one can call me Koolaid. That's right, not even if you're black. I said it. Uhm, okay maybe if you're black because Melissa and Samyah would kick my ass, and I fear that greatly. Anyway, I miss my boyfriend, so much. He's so adorable and caring and cute and I want to be with him everyday, but sadly I cannot be. So tonight I'm going to Skylands with my sister, Alyssa, and Stacey. That should be fun. It usually is. I need to get my ass out of this household immidiately. No real reason, I'm just bored. So, then tomorrow I'm going to the lovely Jessica and Erica's. And, that was horrible sentance structure, but I'm pretty sure you guys don't care. So, now I will bid you all a farewell. Goodbye lovies. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Holla back. [12 Apr 2004|08:07pm] It's spring break, and I'm having fun. I stayed with Jessica and Erica Thursday - Saturday afternoon. Then I went out with my sister, Mindi, and Alyssa to skylands. That's always pretty fun, but it's kind of getting boring, and all the drama just gets to you after awhile. But, I got to spend sometime with Kristina and Shannon, time that I haven't gotten to spend with them in a long time. So that was great. Sunday and today I spent sitting around doing nothing, and tomorrow I'm going down to Lyndhurst to see a friend. That should be cool, it just sucks I have to get up so early in the morning. I have to be out the door at 4:10 in the morning. Wow, my friend better kiss my ass for going to see him. Haha. I'm just playin', homie. (I'm so lame.) I miss Shawn. I didn't get to see him and I might get to next month, it just sucks so bad. Not seeing him, not being able to give him a giant hug and kiss everytime I want to. I don't know. He's supposed to call me in like 45 minutes, than I'm going to have to shower, and try to go to sleep so I can wake up. Bored. My mom's talking about money and stuff to give to me. Oh yeah. That's right. Haha, she's going to give me a whole 5 dollars. Woo, I'm fuckin' rich now. Just kidding. 5 dollars is a hell of a lot better than zero. Which is what I have. Anyway, I'm going to go. Peaceeeeeeee. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

+@#%@^ [23 Mar 2004|01:07pm] So, it's been awhile. I have been pretty busy the past few days, so that's why I haven't updated. I've been hanging out with my sister, and Mike for the past week or so. They're so adorable together. I hope they stay together for a long time, they both look so happy. So anyway, last night I got extremely sick on the way home from Jessica's. Never eat half a bag of carrots. It's not a good idea, I really do not recomend it to anyone. It's pretty much garenteed to make you sick. So just don't do it kids. No matter how yummy they look. Be like Shawn and be against carrots if you must be. It's the only safe way. Wow, I'm seriously retarded. Haha. Shawn's so great, even when he's making fun of me, haha, he's just so wonderful and I'm so happy to have him in my life and to love him this much. I feel like such a little girl right now, but I'm just so intensely happy. pseudopolitiC: there is nothing that i should do pseudopolitiC: only what is and isnt done s r 0 u: uh huh s r 0 u: you remind me of startrek when you say things like that pseudopolitiC: or does startrek remind you of me? Haha. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

. [16 Mar 2004|01:15pm] Today it snowed, we had an early dismissal. I came home, and took pictures. God, I'm lame. ( Say cheese. ) 8 comments| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

. [13 Mar 2004|11:12am] Jessica's here, and we're listening to Faith Hill, because, we're just that awesome. Actually, I think I'm going to turn on the Yeah Yeah Yeah's, because Jessica's about to cry. Wow. Alright, uhm, Jessica asked me if I have a back yard. I love her. She's so random and odd. That's why she's my best friend. Anyway, I have nothing really interesting to say, since, well I'm with Jessica everyday, and nothing new has happened. We need a life. Oh yeah, and people that break Jessica's heart can suck a dick. A large hairy one with STD's.   Hit me baby one more time. I love getting the shit beaten out of me. Isn't that a turn on? Uhm.. I think Jessica is hitting on me. "Me and him don't flirt, it's like me and Jessica, except I think me and Jessica flirt a little more."   ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Sometimes simple things make so much of a difference in someone's life. [08 Mar 2004|10:12am] Hello darlings. It's Monday morning and I'm waiting for Jessica to call me back so I can leave for her house. It's so great having someone I can just call up and hangout with whenever. So, today should be fun and deffinatly not a total waste of time. I never usually go out on snow days but today it's not so bad out, there's only like 3 and a half inches of snow, and none of it's really sticking to the roads, it's just on the grass and trees mostly. It would be extremely pretty outside if I wasn't so sick of winter weather. I want spring, than summer to come. I crave it. I want my birthday to come, I want everything to just move faster, because right now I have so much to look forward to, and I want it all to come. I want to be happy, I don't want anymore fog, or snow or cold wintery wind. I want to see a view, I want the trees to be green and it to always be nice outside. Which, I know will never happen, because in every season there's times you just hate it. Winter's just getting to be so depressing. The cold weather just has so many down sides to it, that warm doesn't. I'm not sick anymore, which is a deffinate plus. I have to say that this cold cold I've had, has been bringing down my mood the past few days, there's nothing that I hate more than being stuck in this house all the time. Which, is quite ironic since I remember times were I only wanted to stay in my house, and not talk to anyone. Lately, there's just so much more to look forward to once I leave this neighborhood, that all I want is out. I guess that's all part of growing up. Well, I'm going to go get my crap together, and get a drink. See all you kids later. ♥ 1 comment| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Sometimes I want to scream so bad I want to cry. I remain silent, my cheeks remain dry. [07 Mar 2004|03:45pm] There's no need to deny the fact that people change. Though, the person inside remains the same. You can't change your entire way of life, your entire way of thinking, your entire personality, because you've gone though things that not everyone has gone though, your personality is molded by the fact that you've had these experiences and like lab rats, we learn things by reward and punishment. It's hard to believe how much people who were so close to me when I was younger, even a year or so ago, could know so little about the person that I am today. It's like a slap in the face when I think back on the times when they told me I was "changing" and wasn't the same person I "was" a few short months before. It's amazing how some new clothes, and a new haircut, and a bigger vocabulary can have so big of an affect on someone that their closest friends can see a drastic change that they themselves never even witnessed. It's amazing how when you finally grow the dignity to be the person you always knew you were, but were to shy to show, you get the cold shoulder from the people who "always knew you were brilliant". So, I wonder what it is that makes me so much different from the person I used to be. I'm not quite sure what that means, I don't see much of a difference at all. I see myself being me, being true to myself and standing up for what I believe in. I guess that's what happens when people grow up. I always thought I'd have the same bestfriend from my childhood to adulthood, but maybe I've found her now. There are only a handfull of people who make me feel truly loved, needed and appriciated. For that I'm saying thank you. Especially to Jessica. You're my best friend without a doubt in my mind. And to Shawn, I love you Darling, you know you'll always be everything. It just amazes me how people can turn their backs so quickly. Though, I can't say I'm not happy with how my life is going. Just, disapointed. ♥ 3 comments| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

There's nothing that can describe these feelings. [05 Mar 2004|07:04pm] Hey. I've spent the past few days being sick. It sucks so bad. I can't get comfortable, I want to lay down but once I lay down I want to sit up, and so on and so forth. I feel like crap. I didn't go to school today and it was boring as hell. Not being able to see my Jessica or anyone else. Mainly Jessica though (Sorry kids, not like you care anyway). I missed her like crazy and I might not be able to see her for the rest of the weekend because she's grounded. It really sucks, hard. I did get to talk to Shawn today, even though he wasn't being very talkitive. He's been kind of weird lately. I'm not sure how to figure him out all the time. I guess that's a good thing, he's sure as fuck never boring. Haha. So I bassically sat around and played xbox today. It was alright I guess, except for the fact that I didn't save my game, and then the power went out, so I lost all of what I was doing. I guess the world just hates me lately. I really need some chapstick, however my bookbag, which holds the chapstick, happens to be all the way across the room, and I happen to be quite lazy. So, I don't think that's going to be happening any time soon. I need more medicine. I need to get unsick. I hate this crap. And, I was watching the weather today, and it's gunna be cold all weekend, meaning me and Jessica won't get our summer quick like we planned. I hate the snow, I hate everything about the winter. I might have gotten Bryan sick. Aww. I feel bad. Sorry my little hispanic friend. Well, I'm going to bizzounce. ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

I'm in ASD [02 Mar 2004|11:30am] Hey, I just got done with testing and I feel like I'm about to pass out. I need something to do but like, I only had 5 minutes of bio so I have absolutely nothing to do. Blah. I miss Shawn, and I didn't get Algebra with Jessica. So my day just sucks. I think I'm going to go to Jess's afterschool though. Because ALLEN gets her on the weekends most of the time. Ugh, we really have to figure something out because this is really annoying. Having to figure out what day we "get her". It's not like we're divorced and she's our kid. She's my bestfriend and his boyfriend. It's not fair to have to have her chose. At all. And without saying it, that's just what she's doing if she picks him on the weekends, and me durring the week. Which is bassically what it is. Alright, well I think I'm going to go now. Shawn, sweetie, if you see this remember to call me tonight if I don't come home afterschool. I really miss you. Okay? Alrighty. Byebye. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

"All the way in Stillwater?!" [29 Feb 2004|09:46am] Hello dears. The past few days have been alright. I was supposed to hangout with my Jessica on Friday, and hangout with Bryan and Scott, but over time each plan that was in the process of being made got so screwed up it wasn't even close to funny anymore. So, I ended up doing nothing anyway because my sugar levels were all screwed up and I spent the whole weekend sleeping it off. Which, let me tell you, isn't the most appealing thing in the entire world. This week is alll testing, which is really fucking annoying. Especially when you have ADHD and can't sit still for more than 45 minutes. A week of hell it is. My toe really hurts, the big one. I'm not sure why either. It just does. Don't you guys find that appealing? Well you should. My mom really needs to hurry up in the shower because I have to take one next. We're going to this picnic thing at my mom's friend's house today. Me, Ange, Mindi, and my mom. It's so lame, but it'll be okay since Ange and Mindi are there. Alright, well I'm going to go and wait for Shawn to come online, 'cause that's how pathetic I am. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Hi, I'm Jesus. Nice to meet you. [24 Feb 2004|09:33pm] I just wrote an entire, huge, kick ass entry. That none of you will see because it rudely got deleted by my fucked up computer. That really sucks. So let me review my day for you. I went to school, it snowed, I went to Jes and Erica's house. While I was at their house, me and Jes left and went to hang out with Shannon at the Country Store, and The Mole didn't kick us out, for just sitting there, doing nothing. Which was quite suprising, though she did yell at me for trying to walk to the back of the store and help Shannon get me a drink, god forbid I pick out my own beverage. I had to shout what I wanted across the entire Deli, which somehow helped her manage things while there were 293746 snowboarders there from Mountain Creek. Anyway, then me and Shannon and Jes went to the Love Shack. It was cool except that I wanted to go to the bridge, because it's really pretty there, and it was so nice out, with all the flurrying and stuff. It was like the first snow all over again. I love the winter, when it's nice enough to go out and do things, but it's still snowing. (I live in a place that's really far away from everything, so when it snows I'm pretty much stuck inside the house, so I can't see anyone.) I should go study for my test in English tomorrow. Now my foot's asleep so if I get up it'll just hurt really bad. So, therefor I can't. Wow, I really suck at life. I'm justifying not studying because my foot is asleep? Alright. That's enough of that. "I know I'm dumb, but I'm not dumb like the average dumb." - My BFF72RJSDFH Jessica. Haha. Eye<3U. Your the only thing I have left That helps me keep my head up high. I love you Darling, I'll never let you go. 1 comment| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

His girl took a weeks worth of valium and slept..thinks about it now and how he never really wept. [21 Feb 2004|01:05pm] We're swerving off the road. We're going past the cones that warned us from the start. So, haven't written in a few days. Things have been weird around my house. Sad, then normal, than sad. Then just odd. I'm not sure what really to think anymore, but it's alright. Last night I went out with a friend, we went to the mall and what not. It was fun. Today I went to look at my futon that I'm getting from next door. I played with the kids for a little bit over there. I love little kids. They're so great and innocent. David (The 3 year old) was showing me his drum set, and his little guitar. It's so cute. His parents say he might skip the kindergarden, since he's 3 and can already read really good. They don't want to hold him back or anything, or bore him. Yeah, anyway, I don't think I'm doing much of anything tonight. Maybe I'll talk my mom into renting me a movie or something, so I can sit at home and do nothing. Oh yeah. Than tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'm hanging out with my Jessica. I haven't hungout with her in so long. I have so much to tell her it feels like, even though I just saw her yesterday. That's not the point. The point is, is that I haven't hungout with my bestfriend in over a week, and I feel depribed. Well,I don't really have anything else to report.   ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

When the rain comes down and all the fog kills your words [18 Feb 2004|11:19am] Arielle and Kayleigh are here. Kay's playing bop it, 'cause she's insanely cool like that. Okay so apparently I'm some horrible person for calling someone "sweetie". Yeah, remind me never to be nice again, and try to make someone feel better when they're upset. Because apparently other people just don't fucking like it when you make people feel good. Wow, I must really suck at life. Remember kids, don't ever cheer someone up. In other news, I don't have anything else to say. Kthxbi. Wow, it's amazing how you figure out that only about 6 people in this world understand you. Thanks to those who do, fuck it to those who don't. ♥ You're bullshit. 1 comment| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

. [17 Feb 2004|01:35pm] Everything about you makes me feel like a 5 year old girl, who just got a brand new toy I just want you to know that I appreciate, everything you've ever done for me. ♥ ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

Don't ask me to be that girl.... [12 Feb 2004|06:01pm] Hello lovelies. I just got done making the family dinner, and my dad informed me that I'm "growing up". He's such a weirdo sometimes. As if making dinner symbolizes some growth in my personality, since I do it every week on Thursdays after therapy, while my mom's at therapy. Jessica is telling me about her troubles. I hate when she's upset about things. It sucks. I wish guys didn't suck. (With the exception of a select few... okay... just Shawn) Haha. Oh oh yes I talked to Shawn yesterday, but then I fell asleep on the phone. Damnit. Hopefully he calls me tonight. I get so excited just hearing his voice, I'm such a little kid when it comes to him. Just little things that he does are so cute. "I think you really are Jesus, Steph.." - Hahaha I love you Jes. BFF@#$SGAG lyk4Ekzjh!!! Shit, I have an english test tomorrow. I'm so going to fail, and I can't fail, because that'll drag my grade down like whoa. I already failed my paper, because I suck at life. I should go study. ♥ 3 comments| ♥ Is it God's work to have us fail?

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